Fifty Shades Of Masculinity: A Journey of A Man's Heart

“Masculinity is an essence that is hard to articulate but that a boy naturally craves as he craves food and water.”
John Eldredge, Wild at Heart

This is something that is dear to my heart. Helping men find themselves and be MEN. Now before I go any further I need to clarify something THERE ARE DIFFERENT TYPES OF MEN. Men who carry their own giftings in life that helps him succeed and navigate the deep waters around him. This is not about a man's talents this is about something deeper. This is about masculinity, something that is the essence of who and what a man is.

Masculinity is something that this world desperately needs but in my humble opinion this world (even in the Christian circles) has a very messed up view on what that is. In fact our society projects what a man is and should be. Wherever one goes you can see this in the media and even churches across America. However the obvious need for men lie in the homes of  America. Across the nation there is an epidemic of fatherless boys acting like men.   Lonely women crying out for the hearts of their men, which stems from the curse of Eve (Gen. 1 and 2) and the curse of Adam.

Don't believe me? Look at the media we consume. Men didn't make Fifty Shades of Grey and the Twilight series a hit. Women did. They are desperately searching for a sense of masculinity in the characters that is present in the books presented. Both series feature men who are dangerous and women want dangerous and need dangerous. Women also want to be wanted. In the same sense I have never met a man who doesn't WANT to be dangerous. I have a dear friend who has a major crush on Hugh Jackman and he embodies what the media tells us what is masculinity---Tall, dark, handsome and barley any hair on his body. 

In the same spirit Women didn't make Zero Dark Thirty and 300 hits either. These movies  capture a snap shot of a man's desire to be dangerous, to be masculine. I believe this is one of the reasons men drive the movie industry. Men are looking for an adventure and fail in realizing the adventure at hand is around them. (I'm preaching to the choir) A lot of men make the mistake of making the woman the adventure. I have never seen a relationship work out when this is the case. The man always ends up feeling empty and the woman trying her best to fill the void that she can't fill. Only a man who truly knows were his strength comes from can truly pursue a woman.

What does the church require of men? Even worse. To be a good man you have to be a... nice guy. This doesn't embody the heart of Christ either. There is a reason Christ is called The Lion of Judah. If you look at any Godly man in the Bible what you see is...dangerous masculinity. Most ministries are geared toward women if you noticed. Why is this? Because men need to be engaged differently. I was part of a men's bible study and at first it started out strong. I would say about 25 of us wanting to meet at 7 am every Saturday. Then I think we all realized that it was geared like every other bible study we ever encountered. The numbers dropped rapidly. Not because of the man leading it or quality of material but because these men and I were looking for something dangerous and it wasn't there. I would like to see a bible study focused on something that engages men and their desires. That would be something indeed.

Most importantly on the journey of being a man, We NEED to have it bestowed upon us. Taught to us--rather that's from our fathers or mentors along the way. I personally wouldn't be the man I am today if I didn't have men step along side of me and teach me the way. If I didn't have a best friend (a Jonathan) to continue sharpening me I would be lost.  I am still growing and seeking to be taught. I am not there yet in my own journey.

The Masculine journey should be more like vampirism (yes I just went there) there should be an older gentlemen teaching a younger man the way to be a man. A Merlin to a King Arthur. A Samuel to a King David. You get the picture.

This is a general overview of masculinity and I will delve deeper into this in the post to come. Break it down if you will. For this is a finite issue that can not be tackled in one setting.

Confession: Being A Daddy Has Made Me A Better Man

"Fathers can seem powerful and overwhelming to their daughters. Let her see your soft side. Express your feelings and reactions. Tell her where you came from and how you got there. Let her see that you have had fears, failures, anxious times, hurts, just like hers, even though you may look flawless to her."

On May 12, 2012 my daughter Edyn was born. As she was handed to me in the delivery room, there was a moment of panic as I blurted out "I have never held a baby before." As I took her in my arms I knew that my life was changed forever. Changed like finding Christ, losing my Mother, pursuing my Wife. These moments are the only times that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that my life has changed forever. In my arms I held a life, a soul, a future of dreams, and daughter of God.

The second night of her life is when something extraordinary happend. We bonded. She was inconsolable and my wife Katie, after laboring natural and drug-free for 14 1/2 hrs. the day before, was exhausted. So I took Edyn in my arms for the next 4 hours of walking I prayed, sang, talked and cooed to her till her cries became whimpers and her whimpers gave way to sleep. I had fallen deeply in love with Edyn or "Bean" as I like to call her.

Now she is 10 months old and in that time my being of who I am and who I was has changed deeply. You see, I didn't initially want a girl. In fact, I cried when I found out he was a she. Yes I cried because she was a girl. However God knew what He was doing giving me this little gift.

See she watches me in everything I do. Church, Worship, the way I speak and treat Katie, and the way I handle life. This challenges me to know that I am teaching her what a MAN is. Who God is. What a Husband is. What a Father is. I need to be aware of my actions and words for I know she will mimic my bad habits a lot easier than my good ones.

Simply put Fatherhood has refined me in EVERYTHING I do. I look forward to continuing showing life to my daughter. By cherishing and pursuing her mother, loving my God, and getting to know WHO she is as a daughter, woman, and child of God.

Hi My Name Is Joe and....I Procrastinate

"You are never a great man when you have more mind than heart." - Beachene

Probably the worst idea ever. Let me start a blog on things that I am passionate about right? 

Confession: Attached to my blogger account is another blog about video games. The last time I posted on that blog was almost exactly 2 years ago. I will do better with this one (I hope). 

I am personally inviting you to partake in the journey of life and faith with me. In turn I will share my heart and struggles with you on here and maybe just maybe you and I can find encouragement and wisdom along the way. So saddle up and strap in for what I am sure will be a bumpy ride.